That will never be

Jagged Jade here: Greetings to my longtime reader's & to the new: "I dare you to get to know me"  I bid you adieu! After a short hiatus from blogging, indeed I was questioning if my work would in fact, be worthwhile for anyone. I will continue to blog, amazing in itself,  I really did think I might not blog again. My heart it lives, it cries & upon awaking it dies, a thousand little deaths follow me everyday.

Just staying positive, a most  important component to the 'happy life'  is immensely difficult these days. A duality exists between myself and I. The heart has needs, for me- to be of peace and love & to accept that I am a  gushy, sensitive person. The heart, Much more than simply a human organ, the viability of the heart goes much deeper than mere valves or arteries  even beyond the functions it performs.

Needing to figure out a way to survive as an incomplete person, a mother missing her youngest child I will never get back, so new to grief as this, new to such utter despair smoked by loneliness. Searching in silence for someone no longer there. while a new life begins one replete of unending questions & gripped in a grief hold.  I realize the permanence things can never be changed, only argued. This mind of mine plays a terrible and tragic game unto itself~ like an old album  skipping, replaying unending- questions without answers, this is my new life.

Delving constantly & deeper into major discomfort, I now understand how many heart's do continually break. Feeling like a searing wound, open and nerves exposed, a grief so great it infinite.  Masquerading  am but I;  I awaken just to cry,   I Dispel the "fact" / tho' some believe/ somewhere in time "one will simply  heal" That will never be. A case, in fact, I know from his face: His sweet warm  eyes, his smile, and gentle laugh, he resides in our memory entwining relentless throughout our life path.