Jagged Jade here: Greetings to my longtime reader's & to the new: "I dare you to get to know me" I bid you adieu! After a short hiatus from blogging, indeed I was questioning if my work would in fact, be worthwhile for anyone. I will continue to blog, amazing in itself, I really did think I might not blog again. My heart it lives, it cries & upon awaking it dies, a thousand little deaths follow me everyday.
Just staying positive, a most important component to the 'happy life' is immensely difficult these days. A duality exists between myself and I. The heart has needs, for me- to be of peace and love & to accept that I am a gushy, sensitive person. The heart, Much more than simply a human organ, the viability of the heart goes much deeper than mere valves or arteries even beyond the functions it performs.
Needing to figure out a way to survive as an incomplete person, a mother missing her youngest child I will never get back, so new to grief as this, new to such utter despair smoked by loneliness. Searching in silence for someone no longer there. while a new life begins one replete of unending questions & gripped in a grief hold. I realize the permanence things can never be changed, only argued. This mind of mine plays a terrible and tragic game unto itself~ like an old album skipping, replaying unending- questions without answers, this is my new life.
Delving constantly & deeper into major discomfort, I now understand how many heart's do continually break. Feeling like a searing wound, open and nerves exposed, a grief so great it infinite. Masquerading am but I; I awaken just to cry, I Dispel the "fact" / tho' some believe/ somewhere in time "one will simply heal" That will never be. A case, in fact, I know from his face: His sweet warm eyes, his smile, and gentle laugh, he resides in our memory entwining relentless throughout our life path.
Tuesday, December 17, 2013
Tuesday, January 8, 2013
Humbled By Life Revisited
Sometimes you don't even know what's going to happen next, life shows up reminding us "yes, by God, you are alive!" Sometimes it is death that awakens us, someone we know & love gone~we know we will never be the same again. Whenever possible, just think and remember that no matter how stressful this life, no matter how content or perhaps miserable we may fee;, life is now and it is short. We are but this grain of sand, a speck of dust a microscopic fragment in the heart of the great universe, and we have purpose.
Maybe you don't know it or you just don't see it yet, but it is there.
Often we carry ourselves about each day thinking that we have got it made, we have done it all or we simply are all that! Heed my warning to you now; if you think you are "all that" then you definitely are not all that. So be aware as an entitled attitude can often follow some very hard life-lessons, and be further aware even when you are free from the constraints of the mind-some other very hard lessons still follow.
When we spit words out boastfully say: "I am running I am the the fastest!" you will find fall even faster, hit even harder: for as soon as one think's "I am know what I am doing" life throws a curve ball & and how you handle it is up to you. Life is deeper than skin, more beautiful than the prettiest face, more precious than platinum; life is more than all the accomplishments one can tuck in their belt.
Life is a gift, so give/live it freely and share it with loved ones when ever possible. Better to give your hand, to the old man, then just ignore and look away, as we have all been guilty of. When I first moved here to Seattle I loved to hang out at the Pike Place Market and many is a time I would sit on the corner next to the homeless guy and take a second to look at his face and listen to his story. Greater is the person that says hello, steps out of his comfort zone and looks at someone not to judge but to simply be present and kind. No award to boast about it, no money to contend with- it makes life easier when you give of your heart and begin to understand this.
To comprehend the "why's of humanity you can begin by opening your understand why some must do what they will do even as you may not agree at least be open enough to accept our differences. We are just a chain of friends: all stitched and sewn together threaded by a collective memory of what this life is to us.. Make not a bridge to burn but a bridge to cross, join me in entering a new way of thinking, a way past the selfishness and greed towards more simple delights and the pleasures found in this short life, in friendships and lovers the places we will see and stories we can share make this life what we are!
Maybe you don't know it or you just don't see it yet, but it is there.
Often we carry ourselves about each day thinking that we have got it made, we have done it all or we simply are all that! Heed my warning to you now; if you think you are "all that" then you definitely are not all that. So be aware as an entitled attitude can often follow some very hard life-lessons, and be further aware even when you are free from the constraints of the mind-some other very hard lessons still follow.
When we spit words out boastfully say: "I am running I am the the fastest!" you will find fall even faster, hit even harder: for as soon as one think's "I am know what I am doing" life throws a curve ball & and how you handle it is up to you. Life is deeper than skin, more beautiful than the prettiest face, more precious than platinum; life is more than all the accomplishments one can tuck in their belt.
Life is a gift, so give/live it freely and share it with loved ones when ever possible. Better to give your hand, to the old man, then just ignore and look away, as we have all been guilty of. When I first moved here to Seattle I loved to hang out at the Pike Place Market and many is a time I would sit on the corner next to the homeless guy and take a second to look at his face and listen to his story. Greater is the person that says hello, steps out of his comfort zone and looks at someone not to judge but to simply be present and kind. No award to boast about it, no money to contend with- it makes life easier when you give of your heart and begin to understand this.
To comprehend the "why's of humanity you can begin by opening your understand why some must do what they will do even as you may not agree at least be open enough to accept our differences. We are just a chain of friends: all stitched and sewn together threaded by a collective memory of what this life is to us.. Make not a bridge to burn but a bridge to cross, join me in entering a new way of thinking, a way past the selfishness and greed towards more simple delights and the pleasures found in this short life, in friendships and lovers the places we will see and stories we can share make this life what we are!
Thursday, January 3, 2013
Welcome to an unpredictable life of beauty
Life is a mystery wrapped in silken charmeuse and tied tightly by the unknown, often we forget the natural and unpredictable
Our Ordinary Ways
Funny how we often rush around, head to the ground, or ear to the phone, going about our business in our ordinary ways. But how often do we think about our friends and what a friend really is? There is not a fail safe test you can give a friend to see if they are loyal or true or good or bad, right for you or not, you just wing it! We all have needs having spent most of our lives honing in on different people we are attracted to and or repelled by. We become turned off or enchanted, some folks immediately rubbing you the wrong way and some delighting you just as quickly. Some will make a mark on our lives for all time. But what is it? What is it we are seeking when we seek a friend? Perhaps that depends on the mood and extent of our needs at the time.
As for myself, trust is a huge issue and in friendships one that does not just magically appear, it takes time and experiences and then you find yourself traveling down the road towards it. Time after time opportunities to meet new people for making new friends occurs, then judgement arrives: rears it's ugly head affecting many of us to not even try. Why? Maybe it's the way they look or what they are wearing, maybe it is the car they drive or don't drive. Simple human stupidity once again and indeed it is often more than not, your own fault! Just things you pick up and absorb, like a sponge, we pick up dirt and harshness from our world around us, a sediment yes, tho' grimy, we can easily remove it with a little work!
All the out dated ways of thinking we once where told to believe, what a turn off I mean really sometimes the human race can look so vile and cruel, so why make it any worse? Some people must however some people love &THRIVE on being cruel, bitching and griping, name calling and grabbing. I had a friend who once asked me for a favor coincidentally when I was looking for a similar favor; favors exchanged we could have worked well together, had a beautiful relationship and conquered the world with creativity, but no, she was an odd friend, no friend at all as it turned out. A simple problem but beware,when your friends act like they want you to be friends with their friends but they don't, not good as I found out.
In one swipe this "friend" had the power to take all my new friends away, and she did. 'For so as love is for your growth he is for your pruning.' I was touched to have ever known them at all, very blessed with all these beautiful neat people, awesome & loving so much it broke me emotionally when I was no longer able to accept I know by some of the words they shared, they where smart people too. Some of these people I knew years ago, they where related to "this friend" awesome kids I fell in love with as babies, now all grown up! I had made a new family and I fell in love, but my heart it had to break and rip as I did sacrifice all of them, not for myself but for each of them who had known "this other friend" for many years but had just gotten to know me over the course of a year. I was not really allowed in their world, no- it was pretty sewn up & there lively hood depended on it. I lost out on great people I still miss dearly,but the original friend, oh I will never understand the viciousness of the female heart. The kids I m blessed to still have in my life.
Friendship is like a plentiful mine of gems, their are many different kinds, each beautiful in it's own way. Many shapes and sizes no matter what "the look" stay open to all. That is why racism and intolerance is complete ignorance, Here is what I do know- if you are trapped in a situation and your life is in the balance & someone has your back, shows you assistance in a time of need, if they are transgender, straight, gay, black or Mexican; when they save your ass, they saved your ass! If you are a hater and intolerant: you will learn at this point their is no matter what color your skin or what you get turned on by, everyone is valid. When you know what a real friend is you will know they are as varied as the stars and the more you limit them you limit yourself! You would understand a quick lesson of life, it matters not what race or sex they are, it matters only who you are and are you are willing to change it?
I have never understood racism but at best guess it appears usually based in out dated philosophies of our out dated forefathers and other influences, people filling you up with ideas and ideals it is these things we often base our morals and core in; these things often absolutely false. How do I know? Well, of course I have lived it I have seen it and I have come to change my ways of thinking too, for although I was never racist per say it wasn't until I entered the mental health field doing art therapy and care-giving that I saw how judgement works. The people I worked for had been judged all their lives becoming buried in judgement as well. How could they not be? Simply put, it is a learned behavior and unfortunately some of our most important teachers can be guilty of it, no time for blame, just move forward.
Until you release your judgement you will be trapped, trapped in your own mind, in all your own hang up's; this was my "fabricated friend's" problem, and luckily I get that now, so I am no longer trapped in unrelenting heart break of losing all those awesome people I had once fell in love with. I will love harder, I will be better and I will stay open, would you like to join me? I m sure you will find it an utterly unpredictable joy of life; you never know what's going to happen next, and ain't that grand?
As for myself, trust is a huge issue and in friendships one that does not just magically appear, it takes time and experiences and then you find yourself traveling down the road towards it. Time after time opportunities to meet new people for making new friends occurs, then judgement arrives: rears it's ugly head affecting many of us to not even try. Why? Maybe it's the way they look or what they are wearing, maybe it is the car they drive or don't drive. Simple human stupidity once again and indeed it is often more than not, your own fault! Just things you pick up and absorb, like a sponge, we pick up dirt and harshness from our world around us, a sediment yes, tho' grimy, we can easily remove it with a little work!
All the out dated ways of thinking we once where told to believe, what a turn off I mean really sometimes the human race can look so vile and cruel, so why make it any worse? Some people must however some people love &THRIVE on being cruel, bitching and griping, name calling and grabbing. I had a friend who once asked me for a favor coincidentally when I was looking for a similar favor; favors exchanged we could have worked well together, had a beautiful relationship and conquered the world with creativity, but no, she was an odd friend, no friend at all as it turned out. A simple problem but beware,when your friends act like they want you to be friends with their friends but they don't, not good as I found out.
In one swipe this "friend" had the power to take all my new friends away, and she did. 'For so as love is for your growth he is for your pruning.' I was touched to have ever known them at all, very blessed with all these beautiful neat people, awesome & loving so much it broke me emotionally when I was no longer able to accept I know by some of the words they shared, they where smart people too. Some of these people I knew years ago, they where related to "this friend" awesome kids I fell in love with as babies, now all grown up! I had made a new family and I fell in love, but my heart it had to break and rip as I did sacrifice all of them, not for myself but for each of them who had known "this other friend" for many years but had just gotten to know me over the course of a year. I was not really allowed in their world, no- it was pretty sewn up & there lively hood depended on it. I lost out on great people I still miss dearly,but the original friend, oh I will never understand the viciousness of the female heart. The kids I m blessed to still have in my life.
Friendship is like a plentiful mine of gems, their are many different kinds, each beautiful in it's own way. Many shapes and sizes no matter what "the look" stay open to all. That is why racism and intolerance is complete ignorance, Here is what I do know- if you are trapped in a situation and your life is in the balance & someone has your back, shows you assistance in a time of need, if they are transgender, straight, gay, black or Mexican; when they save your ass, they saved your ass! If you are a hater and intolerant: you will learn at this point their is no matter what color your skin or what you get turned on by, everyone is valid. When you know what a real friend is you will know they are as varied as the stars and the more you limit them you limit yourself! You would understand a quick lesson of life, it matters not what race or sex they are, it matters only who you are and are you are willing to change it?
I have never understood racism but at best guess it appears usually based in out dated philosophies of our out dated forefathers and other influences, people filling you up with ideas and ideals it is these things we often base our morals and core in; these things often absolutely false. How do I know? Well, of course I have lived it I have seen it and I have come to change my ways of thinking too, for although I was never racist per say it wasn't until I entered the mental health field doing art therapy and care-giving that I saw how judgement works. The people I worked for had been judged all their lives becoming buried in judgement as well. How could they not be? Simply put, it is a learned behavior and unfortunately some of our most important teachers can be guilty of it, no time for blame, just move forward.
Until you release your judgement you will be trapped, trapped in your own mind, in all your own hang up's; this was my "fabricated friend's" problem, and luckily I get that now, so I am no longer trapped in unrelenting heart break of losing all those awesome people I had once fell in love with. I will love harder, I will be better and I will stay open, would you like to join me? I m sure you will find it an utterly unpredictable joy of life; you never know what's going to happen next, and ain't that grand?
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